Friday, July 30, 2010

Two Weeks Until I’m Gone

After some serious I thought I decided to retool my blog and make it more personal and accessible to those who happen to read it from time to time. I once had fourteen posts on my blog, but since removed the older posts, which consisted mainly of academic papers and observations. I once called my blog, “A Cultural Smorgasbord”, with the URL being “anythingundeverything” (the “und” being the German word for “and”). I planned to focus my posts on virtually anything in the world of art, history, literature, theatre, etc. In the last month or so I had a change of heart, possibly with the coming of graduate school, and decided to blog about my personal life, hence the new name (taken from a Moody Blues song ). Technically this means that I will be posting about all that above stuff, while including more things about myself. I have already mentioned most of this new plan in a previous post, but I decided to just throw it out there for everyone to look at again.

Well today is July 30th and, by my calendar observation, I'll be leaving for South Carolina in two weeks - August 13th. My official move in date is August 14th, and I have graduate school orientation on the 15th, and department orientation on the 16th. The first day of classes, at least officially for the university, is August 18th. Time has been moving very fast. For me, at least, it literally feels like I just graduated from Hiram yesterday. In reality, it has been two and a half months since I last set foot on that ancestral, and beautiful, campus I once called home. Since that time I have been on a rollercoaster of personal highs and lows, at least where my health is concerned. I spent a number of weeks indoors after graduation, and had a trip to the hospital due to an old medical problem I have. I am happy to say that I am much better, but for a while there I was rather concerned and in a lot of discomfort and pain. During my recovery, when I became strong enough to get out more, I began working out every other day at the gym. I would lift weights, and do cardio for two hours. I have lost about 7 pounds, I weigh somewhere around 180 pounds now without clothes, 184 with clothes and shoes. Naturally, as you can probably imagine, I am feeling better about myself, and about my health in general.

With graduate school looming I’ve been very busy, spending time with my family and contemplating my life’s journey. I’ve been going to Cedar Point and Soak City with my father, and spending time at home with my mother. I took my niece to see a play, had ice cream with her, and have been swimming with her. I’ve seen my sister a number of times, and my nephew as well. Still, with all of these things I can’t help but to feel the end coming. Things have changed. The things we do together now, the things we did before, are not quite the same. They don’t feel the same. My dad has mentioned this, and we are both very happy to have spent all the time that we spent together in the past. My father and I are very close. So I must come to terms with the fact that things have really changed, not for the better or worse, but have changed nonetheless. I have come to terms with this, I’m fine, but it’s a weird and bittersweet feeling. I think the hardest thing to do in the world is grow up, and understand that we need to let go. This is one of those moments. I think once I settle into my new life in South Carolina I will find a new rush of happiness.

Speaking of graduate school, that is another concern altogether. While I am immensely happy and excited to be attending graduate school at Clemson University, part of me is a little apprehensive. Graduate school is hard, very hard. Although I received nearly straight A’s at Hiram (I got three B-‘s in French, but only because I was new to French and made the mistake of learning German in high school), part of me still feels uneasy. The work will be strenuous, but I love the subject matter so I'm hoping that will carry me through. The duties of a graduate assistant (which I don’t know what they are for me personally yet) will be a challenge no doubt, and then there is the adjustment to a new home and school. These are all things students go through, I am no different, but I still need to acknowledge that I have these feelings. I want to do well. It’s not a competition between me and others (though I want to be competitive) it’s a competition between myself now, and what I hope to become and accomplish. I just hope I can make it through this masters program, and through a doctorate program without burning myself completely out. If I let myself fixate over egotistical things like who is the best, I'll go crazy! My senior seminar had some pretty humbling moment, but I resolved the situation and came through in the end. I hope I can do the same here. Of course, if I cannot pass my language examination in French all these worries won't matter because I'll be screwed! C’est la vie, I guess. Je lis le francais ok, Je ne parle pas le français bien, vous comprenez?

Well that’s all I’ll say for right now. This was a more serious post, I wanted to get those things out of my head. I have had a lot of fun this summer despite my head wondering all around, and my health issues. Go see Inception, its flippin’ awesome. I hope I can catch some of my friends like Patrick, Ben, Matt, once more before I leave. I’ll write again soon.

Merci, Au Revoir mes amis

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